Reading time: 4 mins
Good morning! Today’s article is coming to you from the trenches, as I try to figure out how to find a bit of peace and stability in what seems like a very chaotic time. I’m encouraged by Soren Kierkegaard, whose wisdom seems fitting for busy seasons:
Then in a certain sense it is nothing I shall do. Yes, certainly, in a certain sense it is nothing, become nothing before God, learn to keep silent; in this silence is the beginning, which is, first to seek God’s kingdom.
Busy, but far from God
Okay here we go, same old story: I've been feeling like God is 'far off,' as though I'm shouting across a very wide void. I'm overwhelmed by the tiniest things, and the busy weeks ahead are filling me with dread.Â
I'm becoming increasingly aware that I'm not actively growing any closer to God.Â
I've not been investing in my relationship with God. I've been substituting it for devotional books, and theological discussions, and keeping busy with Sunday School. But as we've heard: just because you go to church on a Sunday doesn't mean you're a Christian. Just because you go through the motions doesn't mean it's changing your heart. I've learnt there are different ways to read the Bible - but the best is to read it with an open heart, eager to hear what God is saying.Â
It’s (not) because of ~circumstances~
It would be easy to blame this dry spell on current circumstances. Work has scaled up in chaos, my social calender is chock-full, and any spare time is spent trying to catch up on household chores. Every day there's a constant undercurrent of stress.Â
But I don't think this season is particularly unique. For me at least, anxiety and stress are opportunistic. It's not really a case of busy periods or difficult circumstances. For sure, these can exasperate the feelings of stress. But they are not strictly necessary.Â
It's a constant thing. It's like cleaning the kitchen. Immediately after you finish cleaning everything looks nice and tidy. Your countertops sparkle, your taps shine, and even the fridge is gleaming. But about 1.5 hours after the Big Clean, there's pasta sauce splashed above the stove and crumbs on the floor. Someone on TikTok called it 'resetting' your space and I think that's a much better description of what you're doing. The kitchen is a place to be used. It will inevitably get untidy and messy - because it's serving its purpose as a place to prepare food. All you can do is put everything back to its clean state every now and then, knowing it will not last long.Â
In the same way, stress for me is not really a one-time fix. Inevitably in life, things get busy and stressful and a little hard. The neatly ordered routine which will solve my anxiety slips out of place.Â
Guess what the solution is? (Answer: Jesus)
I end up back in the same place as before: feeling a little broken and very overwhelmed by the Big and Scary World. I'm agitated and frustrated and I don't even know why.Â
I've been here before; I know what the solution is by now. It hammers out in my heart, but I only hear it when I get to a certain brink of frustration.Â
Seek first the kingdom of God.
How many times do I need to learn this? Surely I should be able to remember this by now, not just reach for it when needed.Â
I need to return, again, to the basics. Back at the foot of the throne, seeking my Lord and doing what I can to glorify Him where I am.Â
In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus issues His famous invitation, which has encouraged Christians throughout history.Â
Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28â€-‬30, CSB)
The place where we find rest is not in the busyness of the world. It's not in timetables or to-do lists. It's not even in self-care rituals or nighttime routines.Â
The place where we find rest - true rest, rest for our souls - is in Jesus.Â
Keep showing up
A friend encouraged me to keep showing up before God; to persevere with the Bible reading and prayer. It's so tempting to leave those things behind - after all, I'm busy and overwhelmed.
But I have learnt the wisdom in continuing to make space to connect with God.
Obviously, God is all-powerful, all-knowing, and omnipresent, but for myself, I need to keep putting in the effort. He's not limited by my frantic mind, but I am. So it's important to intentionally pursue opportunities for communication.Â
Hearing vs. Listening
We often use the term 'hear from God' but really it's more about listening. 'Hearing' implies that we're waiting for Him to say something.
But the ball's in our court. It's not so much that He's far away as it is that we struggle to see Him.
The sun still shines on cloudy days, and God still speaks on days when we're more overwhelmed by the troubles of the world. We're not waiting for Him to speak, He's waiting for us to listen.Â
He's given us His Bible, He's given us prayer. He's given us a whole host of church community and history to build on. Most of all, He's given us His Spirit, who empowers us to grow more Christ-like.Â
We are not alone
Jesus promises us:
Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened to you. (Matthew 7:7, CSB)Â
He will not leave us alone, or abandon us in our struggles. Even in our objectively-fine, not-world-shattering, still-stressful busy lives, He cares for us.
By the Spirit, we can depend on God, and grow closer to Him even when it seems like everything is too much. Because thankfully - thankfully - none of this comes from our own strength. It's the Lord that gives and empowers us.Â
So this is what I'll do: In the approaching busyness, I will not eschew my time with God because 'I have no time.' I'll cling all the tighter to my Rock because He is my support at this time.Â
What I’m reading
Really Good, Actually by Monica Heisey: I finished this over the weekend! All in all, it’s a well-written book, but in my opinion, it didn’t live up to the fanfare surrounding it. From what I encountered, it was marketed as a funny read, which wasn’t my experience. The characters are well fleshed-out, and the story is insightful to the aftermath of a divorce, but large sweeps of the book were paragraphs of the main character being (paradoxically) a self-deprecating narcissist.
None Like Him by Jen Wilkin: I’m continuing to read this as part of my church’s women’s group. The most recent chapter discussed how we cannot fully know God. This requires both humility (that we cannot know God even though He fully knows us) and trust (that though He fully knows us, and we do not fully know Him, we believe His intentions for us are good). Definitely good food for thought!